Many of us in childhood have advised “to be more modest, not to lean out and not show off”. But this advice is not so good – and it certainly should not be given to our children. Why? Explains the psychologist, the host of the trainings Nadezhda Vladislavov.
In childhood, almost everyone dreams of exploits. About saving someone during a fire, pulling a drowning man out of the river, with a fearless tamer enter a cage with lions.
But having become adults, only a few decide to openly admit that they wish glory, recognition, love and admiration of others. Explaining this phenomenon, they usually refer to a culture in which modesty is encouraged (up to complete invisibility).
Is it really so? Let’s first turn to the origins of our culture, to ancient Greece. And there we will see a completely different picture.
The desire for recognition
The ancient Greeks had such a thing as Timos – this is a desire for recognition, for eternal glory, the desire to cause admiration, and many times deeper and more exalted than the one that our contemporaries experience in relation to today’s “stars”.
Furious Achilles, a cunning Odyssey, a helmet hector – all these heroes are glorified by Homer for many millennia in advance. Alexander Macedonian sought to become famous as they were, and in all the campaigns had a scroll of the Iliad with him. So that his exploits do not go unnoticed, they were recorded by Kalisphen, Aristotle’s nephew.
Alexander everywhere drove this wonderful person, whose records gave an idea of the life and customs of that time. Following antiquity, the Middle Ages followed, and Europe picked up the desire for Timos.
We all remember the “Song of Beowulf” – the Celtic epic, written by an unknown author around the VIII century AD. The great warrior Beowulf becomes a great and wise ruler. When he is already completely old, a terrible dragon attacks his land, and Beowulf enters with him in battle. The ruler-warrior defeats the dragon and dies: Great Death, Great Life, Great Gratitude and Love of the People throughout the centuries.
The song about Beowulf ends with such lines: “Among the lord of earthly he was the generic, loved his people and longed for the glory of the miraculous!”
From these words, we clearly see that the heroes were not shy “craving the glory of the miraculous”, so that for a long time after their death to be loved and sung by their people. This is Timos. Does it exist in our time?
How the children dream
Timos manifests itself in modern people, as a rule, in childhood, when they represent themselves as someone of modern http://vista-automation-me.com/projects/jastp-phase-2-asset-cms/ heroes, for example, the captain of an invincible football team that wins at the world championship.
Or in their dreams, they save the whole family of their best friend from the fire. And after such an incredible feat in their fantasies, of course, indispensable glorification and praise by all family members, all friends and even former enemies follow. The whole world admires them.
Here are some real examples of “children’s Timos”. “As a child, he often played war. Dreamed of being a hero of military operations – at that time they showed many Soviet films about the war, each had heroes. He also dreamed of becoming a pilot, wrote about this essay in the class fifth. This dream, one might say, was fulfilled: in adulthood, he flew on a paraglider. The forester also wanted to be – to live in the forest and take care of nature “.
“I dreamed of being a great teacher, so that everyone was listened and that everyone has to breathe a breath”, “My idol was my mother Teresa. Dreamed of flying to Africa to help children, but my parents did not let me go. When she was already at the institute, the tsunami in Thailand happened, begged to let the volunteer, and again refusal … “
We see how beautiful the children’s world of dreams is. Where is the children’s thymim gone when we grow up?
What adults are talking about
Often, adults mercilessly are merciless – either indifference or ulcerative remarks like “you can’t die from modesty” or “again with your nonsense”. And it cannot be said that they are to blame for this, those parents themselves were raised so much, and they simply do not have a different model of interaction with children in their heads: they want to “help them return from heaven to Earth”.
One girl, telling about her children’s Timos, said that she had two polar choice: one part dreamed of “bringing the girl out of the fire”, and it was something between the cardiac surgeon, neurosurgeon and pathologist, and the second part was torn into the circus-either a clown or an acrobat to do something complicated, but not lose taste and ease in life.
And about this wonderful talented girl, a certain “psychologist, expert in psychodiagnostics” said that this is all “mania of greatness”. Honestly, in relation to such pseudo-psychologists, I do not feel either pity or sympathy.
Instead of going for a child in his dreams, to help him develop, relying on them, he is actually imposing guilt for him for dare to imagine himself as much more than this wretched grayness, who wanted to impose his model of the world. And parents also frightened the diagnosis of psychiatric.
Thank God, specifically, this girl managed to “break through”, she is strong. But how many children such strange people took and blocked their way to their dreams … But sometimes adults react exactly as necessary, supporting the child in his Timos.
Here is an example of an ideal reaction: “I dreamed in childhood that there would be a time machine in the future, and I can get to the blocked Leningrad, bring a lot of food. Mom discussed with me that there were a lot of starving people at once, so we thought about how to feed them correctly to help, and not harm ”.
This is how the woman who has become a magnificent children’s dentist tells about her mother. She copes with the most difficult cases for which colleagues do not risk taking up, and generously shares his experience with other dentists, lectures in different cities of Russia and Western Europe.
